Home Again, Home Again Jiggity Jog?

I am back in the U.S.
I am back at Trinity
So much is familiar
So much is different

FUN
I got off the plane and saw all my friends and all my family. They brought me Doritos and Dr. Pepper per my request. We held hands and prayed thanking the Lord for...everything. Then we went to the Plush Horse to eat ice cream. I am still lactose intolerant. I still don't care. I said goodbye to Katie and Eleanor and kind of Mackenzy and Tyler and Brittany at the airport but Kirk came home with me so I could drop him off at O'Hare early Saturday morning. That was so helpful. Just having a little bit of what I've known in my home for a few hours. And plus Kirk is the nicest young man. It was unreal to see my family again. I longed for their embraces for so long and now it's here. Completely accessible. Food is in abundance and in variety. I see my dog. I have caught a cold. I am the minority again.

FUN OVER.

FLIGHT AND FIGHT
Back at Trinity. Too much. Too many people to see. Too many people to avoid. Too many people who don't get it and don't care to try. Who do they think I am? Why would you ask me that vague and open ended question? Overwhelmed. Tired. Overwhelmed and tired. I sleep all day and it's not because of jet lag. I am not hungry for supper at 5pm and it's not because my body clock is off. I'll just stay in my room and pick petty fights with my roommates.

FLEEING COMPLETE. FIGHTING ONGOING.

FIT
I still have responsibilities as a member of this community. I marched in the Opus parade for the fourth and final time. I performed with Flipse and Brandon in the flOPUS mock talent show. I shared an original oratory piece for Opus! I am still here. Still someone. Still heard. But not fully present. Not the same person. Not saying the same things. I will go to bible study to support the efforts of my RA. I will go to Nonna's at 3am. Life has still been happening here.

FITTING...COMPLETE?

FRUIT
I have new gifts to offer. New insights. New values. Social Work Etiquette Dinner: Scoop the soup away from me and keep my napkin in a triangle on my lap? What is a napkin. Thank God for four course and sparkling white grape juice. Welch's. I refuse to be hungry. I refuse to complain. I refuse to lie to you. Kenya was challenging. Worth it. God is real and we must speak about him with words from our mouths. I am not starving. It's okay. There is grace. No problem. I am going to shake all of your hands to acknowledge your presence and worth. We are not alone here. God cares for them, too. Man I was far away. Yes I will return. I must. Home again. Home again?

Jiggity Jog.

Homework TIme

From the time after supper until 9pm I help the kids at First Love complete their 10 subjects of homework. These hardworking students wake up at 4:30am to complete any assignment that was left undone from the previous night and then are in class from 6am-4pm, arriving back home around 5. They have really long days. And I’m not so sure the education system is top notch. I’m actually quite positive the education system is not top notch. But we work with what we and change what we can.  

That top picture is a lesson about the street children in Kenya who beg for change. Please note how it reads “Most of them are dirty and a big problem to other people. They also sniff glue which makes them drowsy and droopy all the time”. Are you kidding me? Who published this? I don’t want my kids thinking of poor people as a problem or that ALL of them sniff glue and are droopy ALL the time. The word “all” is an absolute that leaves no room for exceptions….and there are exceptions. Some street kids don’t sniff glue and the ones that do still have moments, whole days or weeks even when they are neither drowsy nor droopy. We must leave room for grace and teach that street children are not our problems, but rather our brothers and sisters.

The middle picture is a lesson that truly confuses me. Although most of the African students are still developing their english speaking skills, their curriculum is urging them to learn how to write in broken english in order to send telegrams. What? Why. I don’t even know what a telegram is. Do they still use those in Kenya? Doubful.

The third picture is a book on Harriet Tubman that you can see by the bottom, left-hand corner is

endorsed by Chik-Fil-A. Talk about a winning novel :)

1 out of 3. Much room for improvement, but not a total bust. 

Holiday

The kids are home from school and they are crazy.
They finished their exams last week and so now they have a few weeks of break. Because Kenya school systems run year round this is a typical, every four month situation. Whereas before the orphanage was void of children for the majority of each day besides Sunday, now the grounds are overflowing with life from sunrise to 9pm. They wake up very early as if they are going to school but instead they play ball or run around the hall. I hear them at 5:30am but I can easily fall back asleep until 8am. I'm not too sure about Anna though...she's kind of a light sleeper.
Once awake I have to swerve around little people to get to the Baraka Women's Centre where Ginger has most likely been shooing children out for half an hour. They are bored and looking for ANYTHING to do. Wanting to solve this dilemma of theirs I invited them into my room.
Yikes.
It was too much. Six pairs of little hands touching everything, putting everything into their mouths, climbing on things, finding things, taking things. I don't know what my thought process was but it was wrong. I had to tell them all "enda!" which means "go!" after five minutes.
And the kids eat garbage. And leaves. It is highly concerning. Thankfully all the staff is aware of this dangerous habit of the younger youths and so everyone is on high alert. Anna and I have taken to throwing out our garbage only at night after all the kids have gone to bed. By morning the maintenance staff would have taken our waste to the burn pile preventing all risk of ingestion. This holiday break has brought out a new side of the youths.
They are causing trouble, and picking fights. There is no school to satisfy their curiosity. These days I have felt less like a social worker and more like an instructive big sister. Get out of my room. Get that out of your mouth. Go to the hall. I'll take it.

Research

I love research.
I took that class with Mackenzie and each day she would make us speak the words "I am starting to love research". At that time it was all a farce. I didn't love research. I didn't know anything about research except that it was the hardest class in the social work program. However after a semester of excruciating group work and mountains of article reading I can truly say that I do indeed love research. Mackenzie led us to examples of research in the Word and profits of research for the greater Kingdom. And now I think it's great. It's in my top 4 favorite classes taken at Trinity. Securely resting in spot four.
This week consisted of my last day at Karen C Primary. I went to say goodbye to some of the classes I taught and Head Teacher Warui had some work for me to do in preparation for the future of the graduating 8th graders. Getting into highschool in Kenya is a big deal. There are good high schools and no so good high schools and where a child ends up depends on their test scores. The work that Warui had for me consisted of me and another intern entering data onto a chart of the students names and the seven digit code representing their top three high school options. This was tedious, hand-written work for me and the other intern. We had a pen and white out which we thankfully used only sparingly. I really loved it. Data entry I'm sure can get really, really boring on large scale projects. But for this one day at Karen C, I felt like a real live researcher with real business to take care of.

The End is Nearer

I posted some time ago about preparing for the end and needing to prepare the kids for my departure. Well that has begun to happen. I am approaching the kids and straight up telling them "I leave on next Sunday". I think they need to hear it directly like that. And responses have been encouraging. Many of the kids are already aware and all are visibly strained by the news. I had a conversation about the last group of servants and how sad everyone was when they left. This particular child said something to the tune of "It was hard saying bye to Ashley and the others and now we have to do it again".
How awful.
It stinks to have to be another goodbye that these kids have to suffer through. It almost makes me feel like there should be a commitment of say 3 years or something to be able to come and serve at First Love. But then again, the heartbreak after 3 years may be worse. Is there a way to avoid this pain? Should we be seeking ways to avoid this pain? Maybe it's a necessary part of the helping process? I don't know. Not all social work positions can be so professional. I can't have the same boundaries here as I could as a private practitioner. And that's okay I think. But what to do with these goodbyes. Is this healthy for anyone?
I must return. I think everyone who serves here must. As an expression of love and respect for the heart's of the kids we must return. Although they're hard conversations to have, I know that talking about the goodbye will make it an easier transition in the long run.

Needs

Today Anna and I met with Ginger and a couple of Ginger's missionary friends to discuss the Baraka Women's Centre. Ginger's friends work with small town farmer's in Northern Kenya. They offer these business men loans so they can get on their feet. They've had much success with the paying back of these loans, hence why we were eager to meet with them. One method that proved successful for them was this sort of....group loan. A group of closely-knit farmers would all take out a loan together. If one of them missed a payment they all suffered the consequences. This encouraged the farmer's to keep each other accountable. We need our women to have that...fire. That understanding.
The issue we have with Baraka women is that they have an understandably difficult time looking past their immediate needs. If we give them a loan for 2000ksh and they don't have any flour to feed their children, chances are they will take that money and use it for their family. And how can we expect them to do otherwise.
As my clients I have this empathy towards their situation but I also want to inspire them to...have a greater hope, to dream bigger. In order to do this we need to make sure that that are currently getting their basic needs met or else our loans will not be repaid. I believe our Baraka women can do this but not without a shared vision. And that's the hardest part.
Saving is hard for everyone. I don't just see it as an issue for women in Kenya from the slums. Hungry children take precedence over paying back loans in all settings. That's how life goes. Being able to contextualize this dilemma with the Baraka women helps me to relate to them on a more personal level.

Connecting Client's With Resources

The Baraka Women have begun to sell their items at the market. This is an extraordinary opportunity. Throughout their time in the program they've learned the skills to make a wide variety of products: stuffed animals, shirts, pants, quilts, bags, necklaces, bracelets. While they were learning all the skills necessary to complete those projects, I couldn't directly help. I don't know how to sew and therefore could not instruct a group of partial-english-speaking women on how to do so. Instead I've done behind the scenes work mainly focusing on the website. I am confident that my work on the Baraka Women's Centre website has been good and helpful to the empowerment of the women but since the opportunity has arisen for them to sell at the market, I have been able to have an even more direct impact.
To prepare the women for their time at the market I offered a compact and accessible in-service. I discussed objectives for selling at the market and Christian values that we wanted to make sure we'd emulate. Below is the list of tips that I presented to the women:

How We Sell At Our Best

1.     PRAY FIRST

2.     SMILE

3.     Talk to EVERYONE who walks by

4.     Sell above the cost to make (this is how we make profit)

5.     Start bargaining high

6.     Count and record cash at beginning of each shift

7.     Keep an excess of coins and small bills to make change

8.     Calculate all sales on calculator

9.     Guard your money

1. Be sure stand is guarded at all times

I didn't get much of a response from the women but that wasn't concerning. It was encouraging to be able to have something to offer. Even though I would not in any way identify as a market specialist, I do know how in-services go and how helpful they can be in times of preparation.

Open Door Policy

For the last couple weeks we've been keeping the door open to our apartment as we do our work. When I need wifi I have to stay in the apartment away from the kids. They're gone at school most of the day anyway but when they come home I can hear them in all of their joy. Now with our open door policy the kids have been coming in to our apartment for the first time. I like that they feel that comfortable with us, although there is still a need for boundaries.
I had a bunch of the little ones in my room this week and it was pure chaos. Their time in that space was short lived. Picture frames were dropped, sticky finger touched my computer, soccer balls were tossed around. I had to tell them to leave. Yesterday Kirk had a group of the little ones huddling around him as he worked on his computer. He looked up at me from in between the frail hands that surrounded his head and confessed "Rochelle, I think I need space to do my work". I laughed and quickly shuffled all of the youths outside.
With the kids being at school all day I do strive to maximize the time I have with them. That's pretty difficult when they have to bathe and shine their shoes and focus at devotions and then do homework and then go to sleep. But the open door policy helps a lot.
Amanda and I interviewed some of the staff on Bethshan for one of our final projects last semester. The head director made sure to tell us how he kept the door open to his office so the residents could freely stop in and say hello or sit for a time if they so desired. And they did. They felt as those every inch of Bethshan was their home, even the office of the head director. That's the atmosphere I wanted to cultivate by keeping the door open to my apartment. First Love is not the kid's orphanage, it's their home. And I'm a visitor. I'm a guest. I want them to feel...at home.
Last night Kirk, Anna, Eleanor, McKenzy and I watched the movie the Life of Pi. Ken, who serves at First Love sometimes was also present. Ken told 3 of the boys that they could come in and use his iPad if they were quiet an respectful. Indeed they were. I made popcorn for the group and also for the boys. It was very nice. Very communal.
Today the door is open and the kids have been flooding in and out, just as I like it.

The End

My favorite part about our groups and families class was when we would act out scenarios. I remember very clearly being a social worker for a family consisting of Mark, and Dorothy, and Amanda. It was a ton of fun and an excellent learning tool. I remember one of the first thing we were told to do with the our family of clients was to tell them how long our relationship would last. They needed to know the date of termination to make the transition easier.

I have just over a month left with these kids at First Love. Do they know that? I don’t remember telling them when I arrived. I know I told them I’d be here for 4 months but we haven’t talked about it recently. My departure is going to be a real heartbreaker no matter what. But I want to make it as easy as I can on these kids.

They’re orphans. They’ve experienced much pain and abandonment already. Four months is not a long time. It’s like I’m pouring into them and then leaving so soon. There’s one girl who refuses to talk to me. She’s not up for it. And I can’t blame her. I understand not opening up your heart and your life for someone who is only around for a hot minute. But I’m still here. And there’s still plenty of work to do. For instance, I can take intentional measures to prepare my kids for the end of our time together. I can remind them that it’s a month away and ask them what they think of it. The more discussion the better.

The Clinic

I have a regret.

Last week Anna and I helped to run the nurse's clinic at the orphanage. The children get a physical and dewormed every 6 months. I took temperatures and weight while Anna gave eye exams. There was a visiting nurse from Uganda, Eric who came to help our compound nurse, Kara. Both Eric and Kara would be in the room where they examined the kids one at a time. But then to save time Kara recommended that they split up and examine kids separately. This meant that Eric was examining orphans, both male and female children, in a room by himself.  I didn’t think this was a good idea. I thought that the kids’ safety was in danger as was Eric’s. If one of the kids claimed that Eric touched them inappropriately he would have no witnesses to defend him.

But I didn’t say anything. And I don’t know why.

I think maybe it was because it was the end of the day and we only had a few kids left. And I trusted Eric. I saw him as a good guy. I didn’t think he could do harm. But I know I should have said something. I have to protect the kids. And I didn’t do that. I feel kind of awful. Maybe if I talk to the compound nurse to let her know my concerns it will still help as preventative measures.

Bringing Home Work

As a social worker you should never want the change more than the client wants the change. That's a sign of unhealthy boundaries. One should also not enter romantic relationships with clients because that is just all sorts of messed up. I've heard tid bits here and there about all the rules and time periods that must past if indeed a social worker does want to pursue a client. I should read up on them more. It's a genuinely interesting process. All of these restrictions are in place in order to help the social worker retain professionalism and prevent burnout. It's wise to have such boundaries in place. Work is work. Play is play.

Considering that philosophy life can seem supremely enmeshed at First Love. I live at the place I work. I guess there are many jobs where that is the case. For the last four summers I’ve worked at a summer camp where I slept at the place I worked. I should be used to this. As I read my colleagues blogs and think about their social lives I realize how set apart my field placement really is. A few weeks ago we arranged for a driver to come pick me up on a Thursday night so I could go to a concert I was invited to. I felt kind of bad because we had to get the driver to come all the way out on an abnormal day and all. But then I think again about my colleagues in Chicago and how they work from 9-5 and then they’re free to live as they please. They can go out to eat or see a movie or walk around their neighborhood. Don’t mishear me. I am not complaining. Just acknowledging differences, stating facts.

I don’t feel burnt out but sometimes I would like to leave the compound and….do anything. I am a wanderer. An explorer. I just want to see different things. No matter where I am. But the life I’m living this semester is not so conducive to those desires. So we adapt. When I do leave the compound I go to places like elephant orphanages and beautiful white sand, clear water, tropical islands.  Unbelievable places. It’s a fair trade.